The Tall Guy (1989)
Total Goldblum Rating: 8/10
Jeff Goldblum defeats Mr. Bean and goes on to woo Emma Thompson (inexplicably successfully) and take the lead in Elephant!, an Elephant Man musical.
Goldblum presence: 10/10
It’s called “The Tall Guy,” and lord knows they’re not referring to Rowan Atkinson. Bless his heart.
Goldblum hotness: 6/10
There’s an extraordinary amount of sexy time, but I can’t stress enough how ridiculous it is. He and Emma Thompson completely trash his apartment in the midst of hyperbolic passion. Hilarious, but not sexy. Then he puts on Elephant Man makeup.
Moreover, his hair is terrible.
Goldbluminess: 8/10
Sexy-Flippant? Check. Crazy Eyes? Check. Being tall? Super check. And yes, this movie is full of the pitter-patter of unnecessarily fast Goldblum dialogue. But I prefer to feel unconflicted about my Goldblum, and frankly, his character in this movie is kind of an ass.
