Jurassic Park (1993)
Total Goldblum Rating: 8/10
Jeff Goldblum is a rock star of a “chaotician” who knew this whole “resurrect giant carnivores” thing was a bad idea. Then he loses a chunk of his leg and also the buttons on his shirt.
Goldblum presence: 5/10
After he gets his leg banged up, he has to lie around wincing (but shirtless) while we watch Hat Man try to save the kids. (Incidentally, this would’ve gotten a 6/10 if the little girl had screamed even slightly less.)
Goldblum hotness: 9/10
He’s a Man in Black rock star mathematician who seduces a lady with a water drop. And the last 3/4 of the movie is just gratuitous Goldblum shirtlessness.
Goldbluminess: 9/10
So very much Sexy-Flippant with Crazy Eyes, Floating Hands, and a good chunk of Rapid Monologuing. And as for being tall? At one point he takes the stairs three at a time. Yes.
