Watching Every Jeff Goldblum Movie

Into the Night (1985)

Total Goldblum Rating: 7/10

Jeff Goldblum saves Michelle Pfeiffer from David Bowie’s band of gangsters. Despite a cast that also includes Dan Aykroyd, this unengaging “thriller” is nowhere near as zany or madcap as one might hope. And David Bowie wears a suit, as opposed to this, which is disappointing.

Goldblum presence: 8/10

Occasionally our attention is directed to Michelle Pfeiffer or to various gangsters, but what little plot there is centers around the Goldblum.

Goldblum hotness: 8/10

He’s quite young, and the hair is exceptionally decent for the decade. He also lounges around shirtless, which is nice; however, his demeanor generally stays in the realm of “bewildered and overwhelmed” rather than “sexy and appealing.”

Goldbluminess: 5/10

He’s fairly tall, but Michelle Pfeiffer isn’t short. He spends the bulk of the film reacting alarmedly to the goings-on around him, which results in some excellent Rapid Monologuing and a healthy dose of Crazy Eyes—but leaves no time for Sexy-Flippance, and certainly no time for piano playing.

Morning Glory (2010)

Total Goldblum Rating: 7/10

In this peppy newsroom-rom-com, Jeff Goldblum hires Rachel McAdams to run his morning show.

Goldblum Presence: 6/10

Of the six “stars” billed in this film, he has the least screen time.

Goldblum Hotness: 9/10

He has several jogging-round-the-reservoir scenes, which, yes. And he wears a few suits, and—because he’s Jeff Goldblum—he has a 20+-years-younger girlfriend. And, not to speak ill of Harrison Ford, but consider this: In 1977, Harrison Ford looked like this and Jeff Goldblum looked like this. In Morning Glory, Jeff Goldblum looks like the above photo and Mr. Ford looks like this. Game, set, and match to Goldblum.

Goldbluminess: 6/10

There’s a scene in which Rachel McAdams trots up the stairs so that she can she can look him in the eye, so check plus on being tall. And his eyes are crazy and his monologuing is rapid—but, sadly, it’s also mean. He is mean to Rachel McAdams, which is, frankly, not what we expect. And there’s nary a piano in sight.