A Bonus Photo from Beyond Suspicion, Presented Free of Context
Seminar (2012)
Total Goldblum Rating: 9/10
Jeff Goldblum is the disgruntled, disillusioned, paid-$2000-per-session teacher of a writing seminar for four young would-be writers, including Jerry “Short Pants and Loafers” O’Connell and Justin “Inappropriately Muscular Starving Artist” Long.
Golblum presence (plot): 7/10
The play only has five characters and Jeff Golblum is on stage for perhaps the least amount of time.
Goldblum presence (physical): 11/10
But no you guys he was like seven rows away from me I can’t even.
Goldblum hotness: 8/10
The mostly-black wardrobe was very Dr. Ian Malcom, as were the glasses: nicely done. More importantly, there are only two female characters in this play, and [SPOILER] Jeff Goldblum bangs them both. But since this banging is sleazy and creepy—and there’s a splash of the racism—he must lose points.
Goldbluminess: 9/10
His hands were floating all over the stage, he noticeably held one character’s story over her head without reaching up, and he schooled that seminar in rapid monologuing. Minus one point for being mean and for failing to play the piano.
Goosebumps: Escape from Horrorland (PC game, 1996)
Total Goldblum rating: 4/10
Jeff Goldblum is a Dracula who insists on dancing with a prepubescent girl. Click on his pockets to retrieve important items!
Goldblum presence: 2/10
The clip provided is 15 minutes long; perhaps 5 of them are Goldblum. Given that total gameplay is presumably well over 15 minutes, that leaves a very low Goldblum percentage.
Goldblum hotness: 6/10
As is appropriate for a vampire, Goldblum oozes sexuality. Unfortunately, he does so to a 12-year-old.
Goldbluminess: 5/10
Because his dance partner hasn’t hit her growth spurt yet, he’s especially tall. But he can’t Rapid Monologue with those sparkly fangs in his mouth.
(Source: io9.com)
The Guardian interview (2010)
Total Goldblum Rating: 8/10
Jeff Goldblum, currently starring in The Prisoner of Second Avenue on the West End, is interviewed by The Guardian.
Goldblum Presence: 10/10
It is, after all, a Goldblum interview.
Goldblum Hotness: 4/10
“…eyes bulging, a rhythmic click emanating occasionally from his throat. (It’s not hard to see why David Cronenberg cast him as a fly.)”
Goldbluminess: 10/10
“…he really loves his co-star, the Oscar-winning Mercedes Ruehl, ‘a genius, brilliant, master actor, not only spectacularly talented and gifted with grace, humour, intelligence, sensitivity, multi-coloured emotional, um, a garden of rich inner life, dynamic, fun to be with …’ He pauses thoughtfully. ‘Hmm, you know, it’s hard to describe her. BUT! She is an enthusiast.’”
oldfilmsflicker:ameliepoulain:championawkward:apowerfulbeat:arane:(aubzillatron)
you fierce bitch goldblum.
Total Goldblum Rating: 10/10
Goldblum presence: 10/10
Front and center.
Godblum hotness: 10/10
Behold the gaping shirt and A+ hair.
Goldbluminess: 10/10
Look at the floating hands. LOOK AT THEM.
