Watching Every Jeff Goldblum Movie

Morning Glory (2010)

Total Goldblum Rating: 7/10

In this peppy newsroom-rom-com, Jeff Goldblum hires Rachel McAdams to run his morning show.

Goldblum Presence: 6/10

Of the six “stars” billed in this film, he has the least screen time.

Goldblum Hotness: 9/10

He has several jogging-round-the-reservoir scenes, which, yes. And he wears a few suits, and—because he’s Jeff Goldblum—he has a 20+-years-younger girlfriend. And, not to speak ill of Harrison Ford, but consider this: In 1977, Harrison Ford looked like this and Jeff Goldblum looked like this. In Morning Glory, Jeff Goldblum looks like the above photo and Mr. Ford looks like this. Game, set, and match to Goldblum.

Goldbluminess: 6/10

There’s a scene in which Rachel McAdams trots up the stairs so that she can she can look him in the eye, so check plus on being tall. And his eyes are crazy and his monologuing is rapid—but, sadly, it’s also mean. He is mean to Rachel McAdams, which is, frankly, not what we expect. And there’s nary a piano in sight.

The Switch (2010)

Total Goldblum Rating: 8/10

In this unsurprising rom-com, Jeff Goldblum is the thrice-divorced best friend / source of wisdom for the more-neurotic (yes, really) Jason Bateman.

Goldblum presence: 6/10

Is he in the movie all that much? No. But there are only five adult characters in this thing, and he’s one of them—he’s even billed as “starring.”

Goldblum hotness: 8/10

This movie is supposedly a romance, but there is absolutely no sizzle between the two main characters—they’re more like siblings than lovers. But Jeff Goldblum, in his few scenes, is shown lounging in a bathrobe, exchanging kisses with, and being fed strawberries by, a 20-years-younger woman. He’s mentioned as having had three wives and is apparently working on the fourth. In essence, this ancillary character has more sex than the focus of the romance.

And he wears a lot of suits.

Goldbluminess: 9/10

There’s quite a bit of rapid monologuing with floating hands, but the very last scene sets a new standard with its extravagant Goldbluminess. Evidently no child’s birthday is complete without a lengthy jazz piano interpretation of “Happy Birthday”—at least, not if the child in question has an Uncle Jeff Goldblum.