Watching Every Jeff Goldblum Movie

Cats & Dogs (2001)

Total Goldblum Rating: 7/10

Jeff Goldblum is an excellent scientist (if the lab coats are any indication) and terrible father (if the criminal neglect is any indication) in this family comedy full of computer animated cats, cartoonish sound effects, and fart jokes.

Goldblum presence: 6/10

Naturally, the titular dogs and cats have a much stronger presence in the film. Of the human characters, though, he is no less relevant than anyone else.

Goldblum hotness: 6/10

He is a) a dad, who b) has truly mysterious facial hair. The glasses-and-goggles combo brings the hotness up slightly, but it can only compensate for so much.

Goldbluminess: 8/10

Scientist Goldblum returns, complete with superb Crazy Eyes and Rapid Monologuing. If only Dr. Professor Brody were also a pianist.

The Lost World: Jurassic Park (1997)

Total Goldblum Rating: 8/10

In Jurassic Park II: Electric Goldblumaloo, Jeff Goldblum liberates, and then runs from, some dinosaurs. It is nothing like the book of the same name, except a) there is an island, where b) they go, to find c) dinosaurs.

Goldblum presence: 7/10

He’s definitely the driving force of the film, but the Bad Guys and Rampaging Dinos get quite a bit of face time.

Goldblum hotness: 7/10

Whereas in the first film he was a force of mathematics and seduction, in this movie he’s somebody’s dad. Who keeps his shirt on the whole time. Only running around in the rain can save him from a lower score.

Goldbluminess: 9/10

Fact: Vince Vaughn is a giant. And in every scene, no matter the perspective, Jeff Goldblum is taller than Vince Vaughn. See also: rampant Rapid Monologuing and some of the best Crazy Eyes to date.